I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize