dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
