just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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