Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
