Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
