There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
