He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I believe in your delicious
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize