i just sent this text using only my big toe
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
