Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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