It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
