sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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