doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
