And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
