It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
