At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
