Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
