Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This baby is an asshole
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
