i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
