Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
