I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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