dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
