4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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