she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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