Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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