Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
