I'm going to jail i love you
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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