All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
