Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your cock deserves a montage
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
