Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
