cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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