weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
