After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
