I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize