It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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