Im at strip club and am horny
never play flip cup with pint glasses
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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