Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
