He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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