Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
