He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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