Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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