There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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