living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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