Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
