And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
