You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
