Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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