Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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