Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
