at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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