if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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