So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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