Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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