I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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