And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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