so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
