If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
