you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
