That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
