my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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