Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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