I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
