man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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