i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize