don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
