cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
