They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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