**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
