if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
