I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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