I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize